I was talking to Beau last Saturday. He went to Kung Fu class even though he was solo parenting. His upstairs neighbors watched the kids so he could go. I thought about how the last yoga class I attended was in February, also my last haircut and date night, all coordinating with our trip to my parents' house. I haven't played golf in four years, when I was pregnant with Adam. I haven't snowboarded since I was pregnant with the twins, so that is seven years. Drawing, painting, reading books, attending concerts, all very rare these days. Why does momdom mean martyrdom? I exaggerate of course, but there is definitely putting the littles needs and desires above my own. When I get blips of time when I have less than four kids in tow I almost always spend that time running errands or grocery shopping. When I get a sitter it is so I can clean or do laundry. Motherhood is not glamorous, a fact driven home during potty training during diarrhea, but I think it also shouldn't be completely selfless.
I always smiled and silently disagreed when my yoga instructor would talk about how she needed to do things for herself and then she could give to her children. I did not believe in the well that you fill and then give from. My well is running low though. I have made a pitch in the past for some weekly time to recharge and I am feeling that need again. I seem to get swallowed up by baby's first year. There is a desire to soak up every moment and there is the physical tie due to nursing. I have only managed to be away from Aya for about three hours. I realized today was the first time Adam was dropped off, he has been with Amine or me for every activity and day of his life. I have always given this time willingly and freely assuming it is fleeting moments in my kids' lives that I will look back on and cherish. Someday, years from now, I will have physical freedom to go where I want with ease when I want, these desires seem petty. Maybe our travels to Morocco drained me a bit. Four kids is a lot, I love them crazy, but it's a lot.
I always smiled and silently disagreed when my yoga instructor would talk about how she needed to do things for herself and then she could give to her children. I did not believe in the well that you fill and then give from. My well is running low though. I have made a pitch in the past for some weekly time to recharge and I am feeling that need again. I seem to get swallowed up by baby's first year. There is a desire to soak up every moment and there is the physical tie due to nursing. I have only managed to be away from Aya for about three hours. I realized today was the first time Adam was dropped off, he has been with Amine or me for every activity and day of his life. I have always given this time willingly and freely assuming it is fleeting moments in my kids' lives that I will look back on and cherish. Someday, years from now, I will have physical freedom to go where I want with ease when I want, these desires seem petty. Maybe our travels to Morocco drained me a bit. Four kids is a lot, I love them crazy, but it's a lot.
